Shaking off the Shoulds (for a day)

I thought the morning was going to go one way... and it didn’t. I laughed and took a picture of my set-up in the morning light. (It was still dark outside. The morning light was from the bulb above the stovetop.) I had my communion feast prepared, baby monitor in my robe pocket, coffee brewing and my breast pump cups ready to load up. Today is a special day - already blocked out on the fridge calendar: Mom’s Sabbath Morning. I have realized that the weekends are great times for meeting with people, doing school projects, and walking in the purpose God called us to Cape Town for... not so much for resting and recharging. I was so looking forward to this morning’s Sabbath stillness. 

Morning started 4 hours ago, and I’m just now pumping, eating breakfast and typing this while holding a sleeping baby. (Sidenote: 4 month sleep regression is real.) I spent the wee hours of the morning rocking a wee little Ladd and reading my Bible from my phone. My first thought was, “He shouldn’t be awake yet.” That first “should” thought quickly ushered in a cascade of other shoulds, screaming at me to cancel my sabbath plans. I should go run the 332 errands that roll into each new day’s to-do list. We’re out of trash bags and peanut butter. I should read that book I’ve been meaning to get to. I should have gotten up even earlier to get that quiet time in. I should go make Lifa breakfast. I should write a blog, walk the dogs, and save the world this morning before lunchtime. Ain’t nobody got time for a morning off!

“Shhhhhhhh....” It was a whisper in my heart. 

Current typing situation.

Was I now stuttering the shoulds? 

No. I needed to just shhhhhhhhhhhh. 

I’m sitting next to my still full communion cup, remembering that I’m not the savior of the world. Even breakfast can happen without me. (I keep pre-made Swiss oats in the fridge for off mornings with Benjamin.) The shoulds will never stop in this lifetime, but it’s the shhhhhh’s that restore and revitalize. 

This mom’s got tired eyes, a loaded diaper bag, and a need for some fresh air to remember there’s a lot more to this world than what I have to bring to it. When I leave this earth, there will still be things that should be done. But what I’ll take with me is the intimacy and deep relationships I stopped and shhhhh’d for - with my Savior, my family and the beauty He’s set around me. 

So here’s to PB-less PBJs and throwing trash in a grocery bag! Mama’s going out!