“What do you do at night?”
I’ve recently asked a few friends this (potentially very weird) question.
Chris and I have always had as very defined evening routine since we started our marriage with a 7-year old. It’s that “after the kids go to bed” time of day that we haven’t nailed.
It’s very valuable to Chris to have time to unplug in the evenings. He relaxes by stretching out on the couch, going quiet, and watching TV or videos. Those are all of my least favorite things. I crave “plugging in” with another adult. I’d rather go to bed early, trading unwinding for actual sleep. Screens and shows overstimulate me and drain me. Do you see the issue here?
What are we supposed to do at night? So I ask my friends what they do.
Do you watch a show together? Snuggle on the couch and look deeply into each other’s eyes? Aren’t nighttimes supposed to be sacred marriage moments?
I was pretty sure everyone else had it figured out, and we had somehow missed this matrimonial memo. So I asked. As it turns out, marriages all over the world are full of people with very different preferences. Marriages are full of people who raise kids by day and work by night, who have different needs for connection and rest, and who love each other without stipulations on what happens between the hours of 7-10pm! Isn’t that great news!?!
We’ve got one main living space in the home we rent. When the TV is on, the lights and sounds consume the house. I am usually writing, in meetings on connecting to friends until bedtime, and looking for a place to do that. It’s not an ideal setup, and it’s ok. Wondering if I was falling short as a wife and letting discontentment settle in my heart is not ok.
Chris Ladd is my dream man. I want him to be rested, refreshed, and feel completely relaxed in his home. I want him to love being here. And I want to not have to watch YouTube videos with him.
I love asking my other hard-working, husband-loving friends what they do at night because I realize we’re all just a bunch of people learning how to love each other and live in the same houses. I don’t want to leave it up to rom-coms or social media shape my expectations. That only leaves me feeling like I’ve missed the mark. I’d rather focus on loving my man, taking care of the marriage I have, creating a peaceful home, taking care of myself, and being ok with nighttimes not being our closest moments together.
What do you do at night?