Keep Showing Up
Last night was one of those nights where chewing was the loudest sound at the dinner table. Conversations were stifled, and you could taste the tension. Here’s the deal... Things have been GREAT! Chris and I are better than ever. I love him more deeply with each day. God has been opening doors, answering prayers, and we are completely overwhelmed by His favor in our lives. Annnnnnnd we have an 18-month old who is developing beautifully in all the appropriate ways. (Ie: sounds, spills, squeals, screams.)
One adult in our house had a tantrum about how our night time routine wasn’t working. The other adult shut down into the loudest kind of silence. (Is it possible that our tween was the only level-headed human at the table last night!?!) After the 18-month catalyst was asleep, I did what a mature, grown woman should do. I went to my room, sat on the floor, and ate my secret stash of 95% dark chocolate - tucked away for such a time as this. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself at this point for the disaster night and was ready to pour out my heart to God (hoping for a little holy validation). Just as I was putting my phone away, I received a video from my friend, Melanie with the caption, “This made my mama heart so happy.” It was a clip of her husband and 17-month old son rolling through the grass together. It was the sweetest thing.
God used my friend and her celebration to speak directly to my heart. I texted her back right away. They were words that could not have come from my own heart or mind. They were a perspective I had never thought of, “Isn’t it astounding how powerful the presence of a father and husband is? I can’t even imagine the attacks from the enemy and burdens they bear because of their special role. I’m feeling really motivated to pray about that tonight. I’m so happy you had a sweet family day!!”
Everything switched gears for me during that 24 second video. I saw a little boy enchanted by his father and knew that the wife behind the camera was overcome with love. It had to be God to help me do a complete 180 from my self-obsessed pity party to hitting my knees for my man and all the other dads represented in the Help Club for Moms.
I prayed for them all by name. This was part of my petition (names excluded):
I pray for supernatural encouragement and strength from You, Lord. I pray that you would encourage and enable them to put on their belts of truth, helmets of salvation, pick up their shields of faith, and the swords of the spirit. I pray that they would see themselves the way You see them, and wouldn’t find their roles as husbands and fathers to be overwhelming, burdensome or intimidating - but purposed and fulfilling. Equip them beyond their own capacities. Stop the attacks of the enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I speak blessings, abundance, freedom, truth, joy and delight over our homes.
We were designed to be in the presence of our Father. Our homes and families are the first place we meet the Father’s love, and it all begins with presence. Just showing up. And being secure. If I think about it that way, it changes so many of my motives, prayers and expectations. I went back to the living room and told Chris how much I loved him and that he is an incredible father. The quality of his parenting ability was not up in the air, but I didn’t want to leave room in a tense night for the enemy to have room for a single whispered lie. Neither of us get this family thing 100% right on any given day. But we keep showing up, and we keep promising each other forever. And that’s good enough.