The Funny Thing About Love
A mom's love is a crazy thing. Truly. Tiny people take over our bodies, hearts, and minds - and occupy every millimeter of personal space and time that previously existed. Some days you can't wait for them to go to sleep, only to stay up late watching videos of them or praying for them.
Chris frequently looks at me on those extra-frazzling days and said, "I can't believe you want more of this." The best I can do to explain my crazy self is to tell him that while cleaning up toys for the 13-bajillionth time in a day, I think about how loving my children helps me become more like Jesus. Our kids need love from their parents, but I think I need to love our kids even more.
A mom learns to love with sacrificial love that expects nothing in return. One cleaned mess begets another mess to clean. I LOVE their affection and have hopes for our family. But, at the end of the day, my job is just to keep loving. Full, whole love without expectation or condition. To keep cooking, cleaning, driving, guiding, washing, watching, praying, and just keep hanging out in the kitchen in case somebody wants to talk. I plant seeds all day and clear paths of discarded balls, bikes and hopefully some in their hearts too.
I pray our children will become Jesus-following, people-loving men who live their lives in a way that brings heaven to earth. Raising them is my opportunity to do that. In my most exhausted, end-of-myself moments, I think, "This is it. This is true love."
Last week, we found out our new baby is a BOY! Another Ladd BROTHER is coming our way in April 2022! Chris was elated to see his healthy son bouncing around in my womb during the scan. He sent the church elders a text that said, "That kid's got a great looking penis!" Lifa shrugged, "I knew it." And that was it. Because he's 13.
And what did I do? I wept and wept and wept and wept. I simultaneously rejoiced for another healthy Ladd boy and lamented for the baby girl I never held. Annabel Brave went straight from my womb to heaven in 2018. With every family milestone, especially bringing a new baby into the world, I grieve her absence in our home. In order to truly celebrate our new boy, I had to grieve our little girl. It wasn't morbid. It was sacred. I think that's how Jesus loves.
The love of Jesus has space for it all- for us all. Sorrow and joy. Life and loss.
Heavens roar in praise when someone enters the Kingdom of God by committing their life to Him. I like to think heaven threw a party for Annabel's arrival too. But while heaven dances and sings with every homecoming, it doesn't forget the names of the ones who don't know their Savior yet.
Love is a funny thing that doesn't fit in a box, a definition or even in time or space. Yet it's also as simple as picking up toys.
This morning, Benjamin pulled up my shirt to hug his brother. He showed him his stuffed penguin and then grabbed a handful of my belly and said, "Come baby brother. Let's go color." That's love too.
