RADIO SILENCE.
If you read our last update, you might have seen that we are fundraising to buy a family van. What you might NOT have seen is my stomach lurching and face twisting when I asked our beloved friends, family, and people of the Internet for help.
We have been sustained as missionaries in South Africa by people's giving for almost thirteen years. THIRTEEN YEARS. Perhaps I should be a pro at fundraising, or at least the faith for it. I am still amazed every month that finances come in to pay our bills. Every single month feels like a miracle month. Even when the ends don't quite meet, we've never gone hungry or done without necessities.
Asking above and beyond the extravagant generosity already extended to us is hard for me. The world is inflating. Everyone has needs. Holidays are coming. There are starving children in Africa, and I just made two pans of chicken to meal prep for the week. However, we are officially between a rock and a hard place in the vehicle and finance department. I had to step out in faith. I pressed send on the email campaign, a few personal emails, a blog post, and some social media posts.... And I waited. The next day and the day after that. RADIO SILENCE.
Did that email send?
Am I invisible?
Am I outside of God's will?
Am I getting greedy?
Cue: Embarrassment, shame, and thinking maybe I've crossed a line.
Soon after that, $395 came into my PayPal account through a handful of kind givers from social media. (THANK YOU!)
Ok, so the words went out, God. Can You go from $395 to $5,000? Am I absolutely ridiculous for trying to raise this much money in a month? Should we just survive with what we have? We're missionaries, right? Should we scrape by and be thankful for it?
The background noise was loud too. Benjamin was having the hardest week he's had in a long time, so the household was loud and volatile. I threw out my back trying to restrain him and protect him, myself and Wyatt. It was a messy week that had me stretched as far as I stretched physically, mentally and emotionally. Now my spirit was taking strain from my insecurities.
There are many circumstances I cannot control. But God's Word says to "fill your thoughts with heavenly realities, and not with the distractions of the natural realm." (Col 3:2 TPT) We are seated with Him in the heavenly places (Eph 2:6). I am a new creation (2 Cor 5:17) and a citizen of heaven (Phil 3:20). I am fully grafted into God's family and have the authority to release heaven right here on earth because Jesus died and rose again (Romans 8:15-17).
Awkward or not. Uncomfortable or not. It doesn't matter. We have an enemy that can use silence or shouting to cast our eyes from what's eternal to temporary struggles. I knew I had to change the course as shame and fear started to claim ground in me. I reminded myself and God who He is and who He says I am.
I am a child of God, a daughter of the King, and worth dying for.
God is a good, good Father and loves taking care of His children.
His arm is not too short, and heaven is not lacking.
I thanked Him for these truths and asked Him to release some of heaven's glorious riches to provide a vehicle for our family. I could not see a way for it to happen on earth, but this was now heaven's business. I practiced silencing my fears and rehearsing these truths. Quivers of doubt still rumbled through me on occasion, but I just repeated truths over them.
Two days later, I woke up to a message that said, "Kacy, go get that van. We just sent $5,000." My humble, holy response to that message was, "I AM FREAKING OUT!" And then I ran into our bedroom at 5am on a Saturday morning to wake up Chris to tell him. That same night, another $1,000 came in from someone I've never met.
Not only did God do it, He surpassed what we asked for! Isn't that just like Him!?! Heaven's door got kicked open by declaring the truth and because people hear God and obey. Those generous givers were truly heaven's portals. Their hands brought heaven very physically down to earth. And even more than that, taught me an eternal life lesson that I will remember every time I get into the Ladd Family Van!
Thank you for all who gave and prayed. WE'RE GONNA GET A VAN!
I pray that someone who reads this will start to stand in the truth of who God is and who they are. Let's kick down heaven's doors, be His vessels, and make this earth look a lot more like where our true citizenship is.
