I haven’t been online much this week because life has been extra full of normal life stuff. I just haven’t prioritized posting it. I’m pausing this evening before I put down my phone for the night to re-watch, remember and take a deep inhale of this rich, beautiful, sometimes normal and sometimes not life God has given me…

I've lived in Cape Town for almost eight years. That's the longest I've lived anywhere since I was 18. We got dealt a few hard blows upon arrival in the city we left everything for... so hard my stomach twisted in knots at the sight of that big, beautiful Table Mountain.

Eight years later, I've learned to love this city through the lens of special needs parenting and "a church to call home, a family to call our own". I know how the weather changes based on what side of the mountain you're on, to check tide times and wind speeds, and how to navigate the traffic.

My birthday started with Chris, coffee and Jesus before the sun came up. Then we were whisked away to an extravagant, picture perfect breakfast with church family. The family had homemade (and sugar free!) ice cream cake in the sunshine after naps, and then the boys and I took a quick trip to the beach. It was a dream day that ended with a pile of chicken nuggets and bedtime stories. I’d say it doesn’t get any better than this.

I am continually amazed by the joy of the Lord springing up unexpectedly and faithfully through the zigs and zags of life. I feel surrounded by Him and blessed by so many. Thank YOU for being a part of my life!

I begin my “40’s” today. I remember thinking life had peaked at 17 when I was my high school’s head cheerleader. Then again, at 21, when I was one signature away from a dream job after graduating university at the top of my class... And then I heard God speak.

He spoke from the ashes of my childhood home, surrounded by the charred remains of every physical marker of life to that point. His words were the beginning of climbing down the ladder of success as the world might see it. I declined my job offer and took out my very first student loan. I drove a moving truck across the country on my 22nd birthday and enrolled in seminary to study Marriage and Family Therapy.

Earlier this week, I asked Wyatt if he wanted to run to the soccer field like his “baba” (Benjamin). He kept his pudgy little hand gripped firmly on mine and told me, “No, Mama. Baba’s five. I’m two. Hold my hand.” And that was the most sensible thing I’ve heard all week.

Time is our most precious commodity. It’s the only thing we don’t get back or earn on a success ladder. It’s in the very human concept of time that God creates space for the rhythm of relationships.

I've dealt with blood sugar imbalances my entire life. Doctors said I was destined for diabetes, obesity, and was unlikely to have children due to the hormonal imbalance at the root of it all. They were the experts, so I accepted my fate... until I couldn't anymore. In my late 20's, I was alone in the South African bush. My world was closing in on me. I needed hope in something beyond what I could see and faith that my fate wasn't sealed by a broken endocrine system.

… Cape Town is experiencing some very wild winter weather at the moment. It is nothing close to a hurricane but has impacted thousands of people in our city. The desire in me to help, hold, and hear rises with the floodwaters. Nature has a way of leveling humanity’s playing field and reminding us that we need each other. I’m not in a season where I can give or do much tangibly, but I’m trying to attune my children to the bigger picture like my mom did with me…

Does anyone else find themselves trying to just survive the week to get to the weekend? Or get through one season of life to get to the next? There will always be something on your path to "survive" if that is what you're looking to do. Alternatively, there are rich blessings to find on that very same road.

Chris called from church to check on me today. It's week 2 or 3 or 89 of school holidays. He knew I'd be feeding extra teens, wrestling Wyatt's burgeoning will, and dancing a regulation dance with Benjamin. I responded to Chris' sweet call with a shaky, "I'm not doing anything well. Benjamin needs more than I have, and nobody's getting anything." …

Wyatt was feeling under the weather today, so I decided to take the little guys with a bucket of blocks and sit under the weather. God’s glory sprawled out all around us, and we all started to feel better. The morning started as an overwhelming whirlwind, but God’s rhythmical, breathtaking glory washed over all 3 of us. I finished the long day still basking in His loving care for us.

Want to see how many things we can do in a day during school holiday? I present to you: Monday. Today’s video features Benjamin’s current favorite song- playing on repeat until Wyatt has his fill and starts shouting “MUSIC OFF!” 😂 I’m getting a bajillion steps a day, drinking all the caffeine, eating gummy vitamins while I give them to my kids, and making the most of a fleeting season of life. Behind the scenes, Benjamin’s song is extra relevant. We’re excavating for joy when we need to, and going out to seek it till we find it…

I will never ever ever ever skip an opportunity to spend time with all three of my boys together in God's wide open spaces. His glorious creation has a way of reminding us that we are made to be a part of something bigger, something better than what we're aware of in our regular day to days. The ocean keeps roaring. The tides keep coming, never the same but never changing at the same time. The sounds, smells, and breathtaking glory call us back to who we are. We are His. I'm so deeply thankful He's let me love these three so up close and personally for all of the days He's given me.

Yesterday, I was part of a "hike" with a pair of five-year old best friends. They had a map, binoculars, super hero figurines, and the electrifying energy of friendship in the wild. Their hearts were set for adventure. They would seek it until they found it. In fact, everything was an adventure because they were looking for one. The same paths they've walked since they could walk played out like a symphony in their spirits - the songs of the Cape frogs, the moss-covered climbing rocks, the slippery bridge and twisty trees, and the cold waterfall foaming into the perfect rock-throwing target.

Benjamin is all about soldiers. He’s got his own “soldier table” at home where he lines up miniature soldier figures over and over again. (Usually in rugby formations, telling me I have to cheer for Lifa’s team!) The Friends of the South African Air Force Museum is right down the road from our house. It is operated by a group of passionate volunteers every Saturday morning. Naturally, we call it “The Soldier Museum”.

Yesterday the boys and I went to the V&A Waterfront to check out @logoshope_southafrica It’s the world’s largest floating book fair! Even more importantly,it’s a huge vessel with a huge mission. We were awed by this mighty missional tool to take literature, education and the Word of God all over the world. It was extra special to watch a young man take time to walk Lifa through an interactive experience of The Prodigal Son and show him new ways to spread the Gospel.

Lifa is halfway through 11th grade and thinking about what comes next. Benjamin and Wyatt are ever-changing whirlwinds of personality and preferences - full of tackling, tickling, and tantrumming. We are going deeper and wider all at once at church and working through a missionary kind of sting we’re encountering for the first time after 14 years. Oh, AND, I’m learning how to cohabitate in my own body with an ever-present and absolutely crazy companion called perimenopause.

Cape Town's wintery, rainy school holidays are fast-approaching. My sons are already stir-crazy. The long holidays can feel like an episode of Survivor with all the pent-up energy. It's not realistic to just "get through" a school holiday or season, waiting for the abundant life around the corner. Jesus didn't enter into extreme adversity so we wouldn't have to, but so we could thrive amidst it.

The little Ladd brothers are in the “love so hard it hurts” era of brotherhood. Love and war are synonymous these days. We’re only two days in to Cape Town’s rainy weather, and I already carted these darling knuckleheads to a play place to save my sanity! I have to admit that, while we slipped into those grippy socks, I was still at battle internally with myself - feeling like I should steward our finances better, be able to manage them better, and school holidays haven’t even started yet.

Yesterday, my youngest sons and I had to run for cover from the rain. We sat together in the back of my beloved van. When the rain passed and they jumped out, the van’s bumper went down with them. I don’t know what caused the initial incident. It wasn’t those tiny little feet. But there was definitely a problem.

Wednesday was a public holiday, a bonus "play day" for my kids. I received bad news from family in the US on Tuesday morning that left me unsure how I'd get through Wednesday. I was frazzled, exhausted and didn't know what I'd do wtih a two-year old and a child whose disability requires my unwavering attention to support his nervous system.