Full Contact Family
The Kollar family just left Cape Town, and they left a big mark on us.
I met Tia five years ago when she came on a mission trip to the mission base I was serving at the time. We became fast friends, and I knew this was an extraordinary woman. We went out to dinner one night, and she shared a God-sized dream with me. She wanted to adopt. She knew she was made to be a mom, but she wasn’t married and didn’t know why God wouldn’t bring her a husband so she could start the adoption process. It got real at that table. I asked her why she didn’t just start taking steps toward the passion and purpose God had put in her instead of waiting for what she thought she needed to be in place first. We exchanged an, “Oh crap, what just happened at this dinner table?” glance, finished dinner, and Tia headed back to the US shortly after that. AND SHE DID IT.
She hit the ground running into her calling. One year later, she was the proud and bewildered mom of a 10-year old boy named Ray. She did that! Without all the pieces in place, without having her world sorted, she just did that.
Tia and 14-year old Ray visited us last week. There aren’t enough words to put to it - two miracle families finally coming face to face after one pivotal dinner and years of facebook messages. Chris and Lifa had never met Tia, and none of us had met Ray. Lifa was just happy their names were easy to spell for the chalkboard. He had no idea what was coming.
Ray and Lifa - Instant BFF. The age and culture gap didn’t matter for a second. Ray stepped into our house in a way that perfectly depicted the miracle of adoption. He acted like he belonged there. He plopped down on the couch, scooped up Baby Benjamin, and immediately rejected the dinner I cooked. (Bell peppers.) Before we knew it, the boys were in the front yard tackling each other, alternating at random between rugby and American football. Alas, it was a school night for Lifa. They were devastated when we had to ruin all the fun and get ready for bed. Lifa went to bed that very first night saying, “I wish Ray could stay forever.”
The boys had five days of bliss together - more tackling, giggling, chatting and playing than I’ve ever seen. The only thing they had in common was the way they entered into their families. And they never had to talk about that. (Why would you when you could talk about tackling, muscles and girls!?!) But that was the common bond.
These guys and their smiles… Both so good at putting up with picture-happy mamas.
Two boys, plucked out of brokenness and darkness, were placed into families that love them and are willing to walk through the valleys with them as they overcome their darknesses. They have supernatural and necessary resiliency. And an undeniable connection because their birthrights had both been changed for their good.
Ray and Benjamin rockin’ pineapple shirts.
The depth that they loved each other almost didn’t make sense. And it made perfect sense. More sense than almost any other kind of relationship, actually.
I think Ray’s visit to Cape Town left Lifa more resolved to understand American football and get a pineapple shirt. Tia and Ray’s visit to Cape Town left me more resolved to building the church and strengthening families. It’s what works.
We may not all be adopted, but we’ve all encountered brokenness and darkness. And Jesus died for all of us so we could be scooped out of a lonely dark pit and set into His family. In the family we are adopted into through Christ, we have overcome, and we have people around us willing to walk with us through the dark days.
You could look at Lifa’s and Ray’s story and feel sorry for them for the tough hand they got dealt in life. But when I saw those boys rolling around our yard and giggling in Lifa’s room, I saw two young men who understand the kind of love that chooses and has an inexplicable bond because they know what it’s like to have been chosen.
I want to live my life more like Ray and Lifa - fully aware that I belong, that I’ve been chosen and am loved with all my flaws and backstories. And ready to play full-contact family without needing anyone else’s backstory.
Thank you, Tia, for leaving a legacy, following God and reminding our family of what pure, purposed love looks like. We’ve been blessed and inspired by the Kollar family.
