Two very different picutres of our Sunday morning at church… one of them is hilarious.

Sometimes I worry about our "YES" to remain in South Africa.

Chris and I wholeheartedly know God has authored every step of our story, and we are right where we are supposed to be. It is our joy to love and lead Southpoint Church.

I worry about the repercussions of my kids growing up without their grandparents, cousins, and extended family members. I wonder what it's like for foreign soil to be your only familiar soil.

I took this picture of Wyatt for the boys in the background.

We've been in an extra-challenging season, learning to new sides of Benjamin's PDA profile of autism. I've been posting brotherly bonds and family adventures as a banner over us. We're still doing the things that matter. We choose these moments to mark us.

Benjamin lives with an unusual form of autism called Extreme Demand Avoidance.

Most people's primary drive is survival. Our brains will do anything to ensure we have food, water, and air. Benjamin, and kids like him, have a primary drive for autonomy and equality.

If you've followed along with us, you've probably read that Benjamin struggles with an unusual form of autism. We've developed a great support team in the last 12 months, but there is no better support system than his big brother. I just had to sneak a few pictures this morning of this unexplainable love in action.

I made an angel-friend last year. The kind of friend God sends to you when you need to be seen in a way you can't see yet. I would pump breastmilk in the car on the way to meet her, hold teeny-tiny Wyatt, and drink an extra large coffee while I sniffled and stammered about not knowing how to be a special needs mom. She was the one I could be very raw with and say I didn't WANT to be a special needs mom. I could ask the questions you're not supposed to have and feel all the feelings I didn't think I should feel with her.

I told my friends on the Help Club for Moms team that I was ready to start writing for them again…

Finally, it was two days before my first deadline, and my mind was still blank. On top of that, I felt completely overwhelmed by my own kids. I sent up a quick prayer for help as I dashed off to a play date that I was sure would be a disaster. IT WAS. Total disaster. But wouldn’t you know that my God met me in that mess?

Life has been eating my lunch. I’ve been one breath away from a breakdown as circumstances and needs with Benjamin have escalated…. and the rest of life didn’t stop to accommodate! I’ve seen the roughest edges and lowest lows within myself in the last weeks. It hasn’t been pretty.

Finally, last week, time stopped just long enough for me to ugly cry and write an unfiltered letter to God. I didn’t write it to publish but to clean it out of myself. But since wiping away the mascara smears, scooping up the baby, and carrying on with life, I’ve not been able to shake the feeling that I should share my very personal letter here.

I turned 38 yesterday and had a very sweet birthday with my four favorite guys!

I've officially entered the stage of life where it takes effort to remember my age, magnifying makeup mirrors are a no-go, and my metabolism gets a good laugh when I think about losing extra "baby weight". Watching all my hair fall out from postpartum hormones really just seals the deal. 👌

I grew up in Texas . Country music was always on the radio, and my family played penny and nickel poker when we got together. Maybe that's why Kenny Rogers' lyrics played through my mind on Wednesday when I just didn't know what to do.

We had a baby! And we officially miss you.

It's high time for a Ladd family update. Let’s jump right to the highlight reel, shall we?

The South African school year has just started up, and Lifa is loving life back on the all-boys high school campus. This time he's not the new guy - but an "experienced" grade 9. (High school begins in grade 8 here.)

There is passionate group of praying moms who faithfully meet on the school's sports field twice a month to pray over the school, students, our families and futures. We know our boys are longing to find their own ways in this world, and we are committed to not leaving them unarmed for the battles they'll face. In this stage of life, that often happens by praying behind the scenes. It's faithful moms, battling together on the bleachers.

It's my South African birthday! 🥳 I landed in South Africa for the first time on 14 January 2010... 12 years ago!

After five years of single-parenting, God gave me an incredible husband. Since we've moved from America, we've lost all of our grandparents without goodbyes. We've missed a generation of weddings, babies, and milestones - as well as pizza nights and Saturdays with our parents, siblings and cousins. We fused together a family in strange and lonely circumstances, and have since been impacted by mass injustice, corruption, brokenness and oppression.

It feels like my children's holiday break will never end, and this mama is ready to nest! I loaded my darling boys in the car yesterday and said, "We're going to run errands." Benjamin spent the rest of the day trying to figure out whose house "errands" was and when we'd finally get there. 🤣

Has the weight of the world ever kept you up at night? I'm pregnant while raising a toddler and a teenager - the perfect combination to need sleep and to lose it! I've tearfully prayed through many nights this week for my children and the world they are inheriting. The darkness seems to shout louder and louder with confusion and temptation coming from every direction. But God is not surprised at the world He is entrusting our children to. He is not lacking in wisdom, compassion, or omnipotent love.

Yesterday, we had a "How the heck do you parent a teenager!?!" day. It was normal, non-extreme growing up stuff that leaves a mom awake through the night wondering if she's single-handedly ruined his life. My emotions are exponential right now thanks to pregnancy hormones, so Chris had to be the sole adult and handle the situation with grace and wisdom. He nailed it. He's an awesome dad, and Lifa is an incredible young man.

I was sick this week with a head cold that left me foggy during the day and sleepless at night. I rarely made it to my treasured morning quiet time with the Lord before the day got going. My teenage son had a hard day in the midst of it. Two hard things happened to him on the same day, one of them requiring a tough conversation between us.

It was a warm winter's day today, so Benjamin and I sought a shady afternoon adventure. Lifa has started rugby practice at school again, and I wanted to keep Benjamin distracted with nature rather than despair. I drove to a park in the first Cape Town neighborhood we lived in.

In an extreme time, you’ve gotta pull out extreme silliness too. We didn’t plan it, but sometimes a level 4 lockdown just brings it out of you! We were all thankful for a good laugh this week when I bought Lifa a sandwich the size of his little brother, and Chris bet him good money to finish it by the end of the night. The highlight reel is on my Instagram profile, and I assure you it’s worth the watch. But here’s something to whet your appetite.

Yesterday, Benjamin and I went to a nearby park for a playdate. We had a very unusual encounter as we were getting ready to leave. It went something like this...