Will it always be like this?

I recently told Lifa about the stages of Benjamin’s development he has to look forward to. “Wait until we hit the ‘WHYS!” Lifa shook his head and walked away while I recounted his own “WHY” phase, pounding out every “why” with a wooden spoon in my hand. I explained to Lifa how important the”whys” were and how amazing it is to watch a child’s world expand with just a question. (And how you’d do anything to lock yourself in the  bathroom with dark chocolate and noise-canceling headphones to not hear the word “why” one.more.time.) 

Later I started thinking about my own questions. Lately I’ve found myself asking. “Will it always be like this?” Unlike the eye-opening questions of a child, my questions are making my world smaller. I got brave enough to ask my question (or file my complaint) to God in the quiet, dark hours of this morning and realized I already knew the answer. 

Will it always be like this, God? 

No. This life is a vapor. Here’s the truth and the plan: The world closes in on me when I live like this is all there is to life. I lose my wonder when I lose sight of heaven as my home. Maybe things will work out like I hope, but, most likely, they won’t. If it’s not always like this, there will probably be something else. It’s time to stop planning around when things happen or when things are not like this. It’s time to just go live with lots and lots of love.