I want to be hard core.

The Ladd house has been hustling! Chris has preached for Southpoint’s Church Online for the last 3 weeks in a row. (Click here to see messages!) And we have kicked off the 15x15 Worship Challenge,  Virtual Book Study, and online community for Help Club for Moms South Africa. Every day, Chris and I are more blown away that God is giving us platforms to do the things we love to do so much.

Last week was a full throttle week with very little sleep! By Friday afternoon, I was so tired I felt sick. I decided to shut down all my plans and nap while Benjamin napped... but Benjamin wouldn’t nap!  How does he live on such little sleep!?! I was scheduled for a workout with David later that afternoon, and I couldn’t even see straight. How was I going to deadlift from such a deficit? Honestly, I’ve done it before. I could probably do it again. So I got dressed for it, ate a snack, and tried to set myself up to win. 

I want to be strong. I want to work hard in ministry, work hard physically, and love my family well. I want to be a hard core mama that can do ministry in the morning, deadlift in the afternoon, and serve a fantastic, home-cooked meal for dinner. Often, I do all of those things. 

But as I sat in the grass in my workout clothes on Friday afternoon, I decided that the most hard core thing to do in that moment was to be gentle. It’s the most difficult kind of decision for me - to decide to give my body and my mind a break, to say it’s ok to not hit every single goal this week. To realize that if I just keep pushing, something, somehow, somewhere is going to have to give. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to love my family well for the rest of the day if I insisted on putting my plans before my people. 

I cancelled my workout. I loaded up the boys to spend a couple of hours wrapped in gentle, peace-filled beauty. We went to Kirstenbosch National Botanical Gardens, and I sat in the sun while the boys rolled down hills. We meandered on mountain paths with sticks in hand and just took it slow. Nothing amazing happened, and would you believe that my overly-exhausted self could NOT sleep at alllll that night!?! But, in that Friday afternoon moment, there was a win. I was able to give up my definition of hard core to be a little more like Christ’s. He always chose loving His people well first. He didn’t live by to-do lists or personal records, and He also got very tired. But he walked in love, wrapped in peace. And, on Friday, we did that too.