Back from my brain break!

I’m back after a week long “brain break”.  A little over a week ago, I noticed myself snarking and snapping at my family - verbally, with laser eyes, or through embittered thoughts that released themselves as breathy, exasperated sighs. RED FLAG ALERT!

I don’t want to be an exasperated person. I don’t want that word to describe the way I look, sound or feel. Benjamin has picked up on the current (temporary) and unfortunate Ladd family habit: the exasperated sigh. There’s nothing like a happy toddler groaning in lament to shine a mirror in your irritated face. (It’s the worst when you get exasperated about being exasperated.) 

I needed to catch my breath and had to find time to do it. Lately, I’m up at 4am to steal a few quiet moments with God, have coffee, and get the day started before Benjamin koala-wraps himself around me with shocking strength and commitment. I work in every moment I can grasp until I fall into bed and get ready to start again the next day. The deadlines were dominating. The people were losing. 

Time has not stopped in the last week to let me take long naps or let my busy brain wander wild and free. But my mind has been able to rest knowing there wasn’t something pressing every single day. I’ve done a few tiny house projects. I’ve prayed more, and I’ve thought about what’s important to me. 

I want to stay in line with the way God made me rather than go back to exhaustion and exasperation. This is a tired season of life, but it’s a really, really good one. I want to think about what’s going to really matter to me at the end of this life, and ask myself if the things I’m doing today are taking me in that direction. Is meeting every day’s deadline what I’m going to celebrate in my final days if my family and friends only knew me as an exasperated, busy lady? 

Each season of life has different demands. There will never be one without its own set of trials. But each season and each day is an opportunity for me to breath eternity’s breath over my family, my friends, and the struggles of this world. That breath probably sounds much more like laughter and love than groaning, grumbling pity parties.

Life is short. I want each breath to count. I don’t want to exhale my exasperation and frustration on the people around me. That only makes the world seem smaller. I want to speak life and make the world bigger and better with every breath I take.

I don’t want to miss these sweet moments, whether they are frequent or few and far between.