When You Can't Make... Be.
Chris Ladd and I could not be more opposite types of human. Some key differences are played out most obviously in the kitchen. When were dating, and our differences were intriguing and charming, we loved to try new recipes together after Lifa had gone to bed. In marriage, we view our differences as strengths to work together… and also the very things that make the hair on the back of our necks stand up. We now do zero cooking together. Sometimes we even take turns being in the kitchen! We consider it finding a way to win.
When it’s time to cook, Chris picks out a podcast to listen to and cleans the entire kitchen first. Then, he wipes, cleans, washes while he cooks. When Lifa sees that Chris is charged with preparing his meal, he is ecstatic because it’s going to be carefully made, creative and better than anything I could make him. He also knows to have a snack because it’s going to take a while.
I, on the other hand, am a firm believer in getting in, getting dirty, getting it done, and then cleaning up afterward. The result is the same: a prepared meal and clean kitchen. We just do it differently.
Last night, while I was making dinner, Chris wisely avoided the kitchen while I popped popcorn for snack bags for Benjamin’s play school, laid out salad ingredients while unpacking groceries, started the Instant Pot, and had oil heating on the stove for sauteeting chicken. I added in another 24 or so things at the same time, and, 20 minutes later, it was dinnertime! Nevermind the condition of the floors and countertops… Use them. And then clean them.
There has been a shift in me towared doing things Chris’ way lately. Not in the kitchen. (Mama does not have time or the people will starve.)
I’ve shifted my style in heart-cleaning.
Recently, during a Help Club for Moms meeting, while we were hearing this teaching, I felt God impress on my heart these powerful words:
“Forgive Everyday.”
It was one of those moments I knew I needed to pay attention to, although I didn’t know why. I don’t have an extraordinarly dirty heart. Just a normal dirty one. What I mean by that is, I don’t have some dark and stormy unforgiven wound festering. I have walked many long roads of forgiveness with professional counseling and prayer and have found true resolution. I have a extraordinarily blessed marriage and have received overwhelming grace in my lifetime. There was nothing that popped into mind when I felt God guiding me to “forgive everyday.”
I did it anyway.
Every morning, as I peel my eyelids open in front of my bible at 4:30am, I start with forgiveness. I clean house of every little interaction, thought, feeling I had the day before or those sneaky comeback feelings that hadn’t even been spurred on by a recent interaction. I started a little over two weeks ago and am a completely different person today.
My heart was dirtier than I thought! Over time, instead of coming to the throne of grace to forgive my husband for a sharp tone or even forgive God Himself for delayed dreams, I have seen I am the one who needs forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. It can feel heavy and encumbering, yet it is actually our sole ticket to freedom. Jesus made a way for our sins to be forgiven so could “be free indeed””(John 8:36).
Daily forgiving has done something in me. It’s cleaned, wiped and polished parts of me I didn’t even know were dirty. It’s made me lighter, happier and more whole. I’m finding myself instantly forgiving now as a thought, feeling or interaction happens. I immediately trade that binding burden for easy breezy forgiveness. It is so worth it.
Here’s why it’s extra worth it to me:
My kids are going to need to forgive. There is no perfect parent, teacher, leader, friend, or family member. Lifa especially will have four parents to forgive and a very unique road to walk when he is ready. I cannot make my kids forgive or even receive the forgiveness of Christ.
I can’t make them do anything. Except occassionally wash their hands before they eat. But I can be what I want them to be.
I am convinced, however, that I can cultivate a forgiving family by forgiving every day. No one needs a mama walking around in bondage, bitterness or even just a bit of extra weight. I choose to believe my family will flourish in the care of a free woman more than a bound one. I pray they choose to forgive as I forgive others.
My forgiven and forgiving heart has so much more space for people in whatever shape they are in. And, even more imporantly, is much more aware of what shape my heart is actually in.
Try it.
Forgive somebody or something today.
And do it again tomorrow.