Lifa's Big Decision

Time for a mom brag: Lifa is awesome. 

You might have read in previous posts lately that we’ve been doing a lot of walking. While we’ve walked, we’ve been feeling a lot of feelings and learning a lot of lessons. Lifa is going to HIGH SCHOOL next year! Can you even.... I cannot... 

Does everyone want to take a moment to remember little boy Lifa? I do. I’ll just be here staring.

This is a story from earlier this week:

There have been months of high school applications, tours, and all the talking amongst friends - “Where are you going to high school?” Some high schools focus on academics, some on sports, some on arts, and many of them are difficult to get into purely because of demand. There are co-ed and several all-boys or all-girls. The kids in his grade have been pre-adolescent stress balls for a very long time about it all - especially as application result got postponed because of COVID.  

There is so much pressure on 12-year olds to make their own decision about high school. They can’t remember to bring their left shoes home. (That’s real.) How can they decide what would be the best place for them to develop their character, mind and strengths for the next five years?  We told Lifa we would make the choice as a family, and we would make it quickly. We weren’t going to wade in the waters of anxiety’s “what-if’s” and “what about’s”. We weren’t going to be tossed back and forth by other 12-year old opinions. That stressed him out even more. He wanted to default to the closest school where he felt like he would at least know somebody and have some territorial claim. 

His demeanor displayed that he felt even more anxious when we told him he wasn’t going to  decide on his own. He had lost control. And what do parents know anyway?  We wanted him to know his voice and values matter, and we weren’t going to let him make the decision alone because that’s not loving. Lifa felt so heavy as the time to decide drew near. 

We bundled up in warm clothes and face masks just before dinnertime, and the boys, pups and I went out on a walk. We talked through high school, weighing out Lifa’s values, who he wanted to be, what he wanted to become. We thought about what school might be best suited to help him do that. His face twisted with every word as an internal battle played out. I had explained to him earlier that there were times in my life where the best decision for me, the ones God was leading me to, felt really disappointing. God’s great big plans sometimes break our little ones. It was ok for him to be disappointed in what God was leading him to. 

Chris and I had  been praying a lot and been in contact with several school rugby coaches for months. Clint, a coach at Rondebosch Boys High School, has very proactively pursued Lifa. He told Chris he believes in Lifa’s character and wants to develop him holistically. He coaches at Lifa’s current rugby club  as well, and recently taught the boys how to apply Scripture to rugby in a team Zoom call. Clint shared with Chris his values of developing a whole child and shared he has his coaches read leadership and child psychology books all the time. As we prayed, we thought, “Why wouldn’t we send Lifa to the ONE school in this nation that knows his name, is pursuing him, and wants to develop and disciple our child?” There’s no perfect school, and there will be no perfect experience. But there’s one school that has a godly leader who already knows Lifa’s name and values him. Chris played some voice messages from Clint that revealed his excitement to have Lifa as part of his team. We were in awe as we reminded Lifa that his entire life is a story of being set apart for greatness. This was no exception. The school has high academic and sports standards. It’s a whole new ballgame - something Lifa has never been exposed to but will assuredly thrive when he steps up to that level. 

As we walked, Lifa said he knew Rondebosch was probably the best for him, even if he felt a little disappointed and nervous. I was so proud! And I let him know! Lifa made an adult decision based on values over feelings. It felt SO hard to do, but once he did, he was proud too. I told him that adults still struggle to do what he just did, but he was willing to think about this values, seek God, and trust in a bigger picture. Feelings are so loud. But God is so good, so strong and so faithful. As our walk progressed, we began to dream of Lifa thriving as a high school rugby player, and he got genuinely excited.

At the very end of the walk, he said, “This is the one time I wish you guys actually made the decision for me.” It was my favorite moment. Because, honestly, we had. But Lifa had a chance to grow, and he took it. He took it and ran with it! I’m so proud of the young man he’s becoming! Even if he occasionally comes home with no left shoe.