Heaven's Math
I turned 38 yesterday and had a very sweet birthday with my four favorite guys!
I've officially entered the stage of life where it takes effort to remember my age, magnifying makeup mirrors are a no-go, and my metabolism gets a good laugh when I think about losing extra "baby weight". Watching all my hair fall out from postpartum hormones really just seals the deal. 👌
The truth is, despite all the inglorious external details of aging, I feel a childlike excitement stirring in me. (It's most pronounced after I've had two cups of coffee... preferably in silence.) My 37th year was a biggie. I had a baby, got a visa, finally saw my mom, learned a lot about teenagers, and watched special needs unfold before my eyes in our toddler. I traversed the limits of my physical strength, unspeakable joy, desperate prayers, and utter despair - sometimes in the same day.
I feel good when I have a measure of control, or at least a plan. Thirty-seven was not the year for that. I'm sharing my body with Wyatt, and he's the one calling the shots on sleep, schedules, caloric intake, all of it. And it turns out that teenagers like to have minds of their own, privacy, and life outside of the "nest". Even the 3-year old has flipped life's rules upside down with a unique set of needs that keep me on my toes and beyond my natural capacities.
I don't possess enough of me to do this. It actually feels refreshing because, suddenly, life's not about me. It can't be. Suddenly, Lifa's life is in God's hands where it's always belonged. I now require a constant connection with the Holy Spirit in a way I never have in order to help Benjamin stay regulated. The hours of sleep don't add up for much, and I haven't had time to paint my nails in six months. But there is abundance in this house.
It's the "Not-Enough-More-Than-Enough" kind of abundance.
It's heaven's math.
Heavens math is...
1 ark, 2 of every animal, 1 family, and a replenished planet.
7 laps around Jericho until the walls fall down.
Just the right measure of oil flowing until the widow's jars were full.
5 loaves and 2 fish feeding 5,000.
Giving the first 10% so the rest will be blessed.
3 days of death until death was forever conquered.
Heaven's math says when you don't have enough, you find what you really need. Abundance is not in the magnifying mirror, bank account, or the amazing life story you're trying to write for your family. It's at the end of your own abilities where we find the very beginning of God's. Heaven's math says, "Spend it all so you'll have more!"
I'm starting my 38th year feeling so much further from control or togetherness than I've EVER felt. I also feel safer in the sovereign palm of God's hand than I've ever felt. I feel free to run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint. I feel free to fly above circumstances and soar. Here's to 38 and beyond!
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth Does not become tired or grow weary; There is no searching of His understanding. He gives strength to the weary, And to him who has no might He increases power. Even youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, But those who wait for the LORD [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] Will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.
Isaiah 40:28-31 AMP