Days are Just Days

I planned a walk in the forest today. Wyatt loves a good nature walk, and Benjamin comes back to himself as we gulp in wonder and fresh air. Benjamin crumbled to the floor in tears when I told him our wonderful plans. My knee-jerk reaction is simultaneous overwhelm and frustration. His personal implosions demands, “Help me. I am unhelpable”.

Pathological Demand Avoidance (Benjamin’s profile of autism) can make it physically impossible to access the things you want and need. Anature walk is trivial compared to other needs that can become inaccessible. So although I knew a nature walk was for their best, we simply could not today. Not physically, emotionally or mentally.

Did I quickly think of another amazing activity to save the day? Absolutely not. My own implosion threatened. I turned on a cartoon for Wyatt. I scooped up Benjamin and rocked that extra long body until he stopped whimpering. I showed him how to listen to my heartbeat and then sat him next to his brother. I made a blender full of smoothie that covered enough bases to count as dinner. They screened and sipped smoothies until Benjamin was ready to go outside to play.

I’m finally starting to understand that these days aren’t wins or losses. They are just days. We all have highs and lows, and we are impacted by others’. Does Wyatt have way more screen time than I’d like him to have? Absolutely. Did it take 49 hours to put him to bed because he was so under-stimulated? You betcha. But all the guys in my house are going to bed tonight secure in the knowledge that they are deeply loved.

Whether you find yourself crumpled in a pile on the floor, feeling helplessly unhelpable, or are impacted by someone else who is... This is life. These fleeting days will come and go until they don’t anymore. And then, finally then, it will be the day where there are no more tears, no pain nor sorrow. This is just a little while. It’s ok if every day is not the best day. The best day is coming.