I planned a walk in the forest today. Wyatt loves a good nature walk, and Benjamin comes back to himself as we gulp in wonder and fresh air. Benjamin crumbled to the floor in tears when I told him our wonderful plans. My knee-jerk reaction is simultaneous overwhelm and frustration. His personal implosions demands, “Help me. I am unhelpable”.

We’ve got a formula. We go to the best places at the worst times. It was cold and windy at Green Point Park this morning. We all had wet bottoms from the slide, and I bought Benjamin TWO steamed milks to keep him sitting still long enough to get dry. We’ve found our way to win in a big, busy city when one of us can’t do crowds. We had the park to ourselves, and the kids felt like kings - with milk moustaches instead of crowns!

I've lived in Cape Town for almost eight years. That's the longest I've lived anywhere since I was 18. We got dealt a few hard blows upon arrival in the city we left everything for... so hard my stomach twisted in knots at the sight of that big, beautiful Table Mountain.

Eight years later, I've learned to love this city through the lens of special needs parenting and "a church to call home, a family to call our own". I know how the weather changes based on what side of the mountain you're on, to check tide times and wind speeds, and how to navigate the traffic.

Benjamin crashed my post-workout stretch session this morning... and things progressed from there. A 10-minute kids workout on the iPad unlocked joy, bouncing, bonding and healing movement. Our Jammer has been in a hard-ish season for a while - which is quite a euphemism, really. We’re all giving it our best, and we all sometimes flip out and see our worst. In his hard-ish times, Benjamin struggles with proprioception, interoception... all kinds of -ceptions. The way we spell it out in our house is “having trouble taking control of your body.” The details are not for the Internet, but it’s not easy to watch, parent or live with if we’re being honest.

We had an extraordinary experience this week at soccer camp. It was Benjamin's most unsheltered, "mainstream" kind of experience with boys of all different ages. It was an awkward, yet completely natural, hokey-pokey kind of experience. We were all the way in, all the way out, and then we did a lot of playing right beside them.

Today was 80% temper tantrums, 10% time outs (including the big people putting ourselves in time out!), 5% prep for dress up day at Southpoint Church and 5% a nature shakeout at Kirstenbosch. I worry for Lifa on days like these. I think about his friends who hang out with kids their own age and whose families don't have to accommodate to nap times or special needs.

Chris called from church to check on me today. It's week 2 or 3 or 89 of school holidays. He knew I'd be feeding extra teens, wrestling Wyatt's burgeoning will, and dancing a regulation dance with Benjamin. I responded to Chris' sweet call with a shaky, "I'm not doing anything well. Benjamin needs more than I have, and nobody's getting anything." …

Want to see how many things we can do in a day during school holiday? I present to you: Monday. Today’s video features Benjamin’s current favorite song- playing on repeat until Wyatt has his fill and starts shouting “MUSIC OFF!” 😂 I’m getting a bajillion steps a day, drinking all the caffeine, eating gummy vitamins while I give them to my kids, and making the most of a fleeting season of life. Behind the scenes, Benjamin’s song is extra relevant. We’re excavating for joy when we need to, and going out to seek it till we find it…

Benjamin is all about soldiers. He’s got his own “soldier table” at home where he lines up miniature soldier figures over and over again. (Usually in rugby formations, telling me I have to cheer for Lifa’s team!) The Friends of the South African Air Force Museum is right down the road from our house. It is operated by a group of passionate volunteers every Saturday morning. Naturally, we call it “The Soldier Museum”.

unMother’s Day: This one is not just for moms.

Chris and I stood on stage at the beginning of both servcies to welcome everyone. I had been awake since 3am with a rotation of small child issues, and Benjamin was having a harder than normal day. If I didn't need to be on stage that morning, I would kept the little guys home with me. Things were heading south quickly...

I try not to be “play place people”. I’m not into paying for playing or the litany of unknowns to help Benjamin navigate through. But on this rainy public holiday, with my mind and heart preoccupied with family issues in America, we opened up that play place and stayed until the crowds came. (Less than an hour!)

Parenting has a way of humbling you. It's amazing how quickly I started doing the things I said I'd never do as a parent. You know what helped me be ok with that? The bigger picture.