Star-Bright Saturdays - even when the struggle is real.

Saturdays are tricky at the Ladd house. There's excitement for Lifa's rugby game, church events to participate in, and hopes for an afternoon nap before a busy Sunday. It should also be noted that the whole house is usually in full-on crazy mode by 6am. (Except for Lifa because 16-year olds can sleep through anything.)

Benjamin's nervous system is zapped after the school week, yet he's brimming with hope and expectations for the best Saturday of his life... every single Saturday. We're always gauging his actual capacity (not to be confused with his perceived capacity) and the needs of the rest of the family. I have to think fastest on Saturdays!

I take the boys on outings if we're not watching Lifa play rugby. It lets Chris take a quiet moment before Sunday, and the boys and I recharge in nature. Last Saturday morning's hike was the teeniest, tiniest of hikes. A completely flat 450 meters. Benjamin packed an EPIC hikers backpack, stocked with his camera, binoculars, and trail maps. He and Wyatt spent more time eating their snack boxes than actually moving their tired little feet, but they felt like wild and free adventure boys.

We stopped along the way to feel the ground under our boots. We jumped on wooden planks, mud puddles and dirt patches to compare how they felt. We took deep breaths of nature. We listened for grasshoppers, Cape Frogs, and wind rustling leaves. We rubbed different leaves and tree bark through our fingers and talked about how they felt. We followed a butterfly, and I was keenly aware that the spinning and struggling ceased as we recalibrated with our Creator.

My heart was bursting for my whole-hearted boy that morning in the magnificence of nature. He was finally starting to look like himself again as we deep gulped God-air. Benjamin relies on this moment weekly... daily. He has to ground himself in this safe and beautiful part of life. He gives his best every day, and that requires a lot more than the blind eye can see. He holds himself together in every social situation, somehow already understanding at five years old that if he doesn't, he might just completely fall apart.

This world wasn't made for people wired the way he is. We're teaching him to rhythmically return to himself, his safe people and places, and God - day by day, Saturday morning by Saturday morning. We prioritize connection with family, awe and wonder, and touching sides with the One who made us.

Differently-wired or not, we all know what it feels like to try to live in a world that wasn't built for us. None of us were designed for shame, guilt, betrayal, sickness, loss or to be born straight into hardship. We were designed to flourish in a paradise garden, strolling through the cool of the day with God Himself. And one day, we will.

But for now, we are star-bright pegs trying to stand tall in a bumped, bruised and broken rock. So from one struggling star-bright peg to another... Let's hold onto the promise! We don't have to change our shape to fit into the brokenness. When the going gets touch, we go back to our star-bright people in star-bright places until we are recharged enough to shine through the dark nights. We take deep gulps of awe and wonder because we were built with that too. And we keep coming back, day by day, Saturday by Saturday to our Bright Morning Star that reminds us that this dark night won't last much longer. And the morning will take your breath away.