It’s not easy for an American pastor to speak to South Africa in the midst of heart-wrenching turmoil and civil unrest. It’s especially not easy when he’s addressing the question in everyone’s minds - whether fueled by fear, fury, anxiety, sorrow, or a storm of thoughts and feelings.. WHY.

Why is South Africa here?

Chris poured himself out before God to prepare this message, and it was so powerful. I listened to it twice because I needed it this week!

This is a message that changed me. This is something God has been doing in me for the last several years, and I’ve been able to teach it many times to moms around the world in the last few weeks. Just last night, I taught this to an international mom’s retreat through Zoom, and got to encourage women fro Brazil, Ghana, Nigeria, America, Canada, South Africa and the UK. The spoiler alert is…

My husband bared his greatest life struggle in his sermon on anxiety this Sunday. He was even more candid than I expected with the painful details of his battle and the toll it took on our marriage. The first 5 years of our 5 3/4 year marriage were the hardest of our lives. We were hard-pressed on every side, literally facing life and death.

Chris Ladd is the man of my dreams, BUT he's got a few things to learn about life. Ok, its' just one thing: BIRTHDAYS.

I love to celebrate and have infused that love into my children. Lifa is an absolute boss at celebration, and one of Benjamin's first words was "Hooray!" (Future daughters-in-law, you are welcome.)

I've found myself accidentally daydreaming about visiting the US lately. This morning I picked up Benjamin's US passport from the American embassy, and I'm sitting next to a stack of paperwork to apply for my new South African visa right now. It's all still surreal since the 7-year miracle. I haven't crossed an ocean since 2015.

Chris Ladd and I could not be more opposite types of human. Some key differences are played out most obviously in the kitchen. When were dating, and our differences were intriguing and charming, we loved to try new recipes together after Lifa had gone to bed. In marriage, we view our differences as strengths to work together… and also the very things that make the hair on the back of our necks stand up. We now do zero cooking together. Sometimes we even take turns being in the kitchen! We consider it finding a way to win.

Here’s an article I wrote for the Help Club for Moms. I love being challenged to write for this powerful ministry - I always learn something new when I press into God for others!

“True freedom never comes until we fully realize that we don’t need to struggle to get from man what God freely gives us: love, acceptance, approval, security, worth, and value.” Joyce Meyer

Benjamin had the BEST birthday. He’s 2. He won’t remember it. (I took about 3,000 pictures that I will look at every 9th of April for the rest of time.) He doesn’t have to remember the events of his 2nd birthday. Birthdays build. They are our stories’ punctuation marks. You stop one year of life, and start the next. Each year builds on the previous one.

Today was a little heavy in the Ladd house.

Benjamin turns TWO tomorrow, and family feels extra far to me on the special days. Chris was weighed down with the unavoidable admin (and admin hiccups) that come with living overseas. We are calling it a night and just going to bed. Tomorrow is a new day, and we're having cake for breakfast!

The Ladd family got bamboozled with the stomach bug on Monday. I got it first, and Chris got it the worst. I picked Lifa up early from school and promptly declared the house a state of emergency. Chris didn’t even get out of bed until 6pm - right before Benjamin’s bedtime. Everyone is standing, eating and funcitonal today, but Benjamin has a serious deficit in his daddy love tank after a busy Sunday and sick Monday.

We’ve had major highs, breakthroughs, wins and worship in the last few weeks - at the same time as debilitating exhaustion, strain and pain. And there’s been some plain old medium stuff.

We cut back on things we didn’t have space for - like blog writing, cooking big dinners, and some late night international meetings. We learned new things - like how to high school, the maximum physical capacities of our people, and how to find God’s sweetness in the medium things. Activities pulled us further apart, but intentionality brought us closer than ever.

Benjamin has been socially distanced for 11 of his (almost) 22 months of life. For HALF of his life, he has only interacted with masked adults. We tested the waters at a very small, absolutely wonderful play school for two mornings this week to help him socialize and unlatch from his mama jsut a smidge. (But please, only a smidge.)

Yesterday was supposed to be Lifa’s first day of high school. South Africa is still on nationwide lockdown, so his much-anticipated high school debut has been postponed.

Our teenage social butterfly is stuck at home with an absolutely crazy toddler and a mom who is still not operating at full speed post-Covid. He has no devices to distract him, and we are spending A LOT of time together. It’s the Lifa and Benjamin show all day, every day. And it’s such a good show.

‘Tis the season for celebration! Greetings from the Ladd house! We are hanging Christmas lights and learning the names of Jesus. (Also learning what sound turkeys and elephants make.) We haven't bought a single Christmas gift, but we are marking milestones like it’s our day job over here. We are very aware of Christ in the center of our lives right now and are soaking that in.

I set up a studio on my bathroom floor last night- the only space in my house available to film a live teaching! I strategically positioned myself to keep the toilet and missing drawer knobs off-camera, and I spoke to moms around the world about the miracles I have seen.

Thanksgiving was our first holiday as a married couple. At least it was to me. It is not a recognized holiday in South Africa, and Chris could easily unrecognize every holiday! He was under great stress from work when I mentioned its approach. (I still haven’t mastered the art of timing important conversations!) He was overwhelmed already, and hastily responded, “I don’t want to deal with it!” I cried over a bowl of leftover chili on the 4th Thursday of November that year. (Not our newlywed moment.)

I stopped eating sugar three years ago. Yet I keep making those dadgum No Bake Cookies every year as though they are the recipe for joy. The great news about 2020 is that we get a fresh start on EVERYTHING. We get to re-think how we do things and why because every.single.thing. is different.

It is harder than ever to make a decision in this age of unlimited access. Ideas and opinions fly from every direction, a thousand miles a minute. It’s not just family and friends putting in their two cents anymore. It’s the whole wide world. I can EASILY spend all the time I have to play looking up the best activity for kids. I spend all the time I have to read or write looking up helpful resources I’ll never utilize…

It can be draining to be the safe one, the one who always gets the worst of someone. To keep giving them your time, care, compassion, kindness and love, when they’ve spent all of theirs elsewhere. Your kids. Your spouse. Your whoever. The people that feel safe with you often give their best to the world and bring home what’s leftover. But you know what? I don’t want my boys to bring their emergencies and intimate needs to the world.