Our kids aren’t keeping score. They are learning to live by the ways we live. So, today, live loved. And tomorrow, live loved. You can write a legacy of love through your bests and your worsts.

Tonight, while the Benjamin wailed from his crib and I anxiously waited for 5 minutes to pass to go back in to comfort him, Chris said, “I thought we had this sleep training thing nailed. WHAT HAPPENED!?!”

Hello from COVID-19 Lockdown! STILL! Life has simultaneously gotten very slow and become wildly, insanely busy at the same time. RIGHT!?! Lifa misses the rest of his pre-teen species, and Benjamin has transformed from a sweet, little baby into a gravity-defying, boundary-testing toddler. Chris and I are waking extra early and working later in the evenings trying to make up time well-spent with kids during the day. We’ve made sweet family memories in quarantine, but this mom and dad are a litttttttle bit tired.

On Monday morning, Chris and I took turns catching and containing Benjamin over two warm-is cups of coffee. We wanted to connect before the hustle of a new week began. Last week I didn’t even have time to make my calendars, and the whole system broke! I needed this connection with my husband more than I needed to breathe. I told Chris I’m so excited and so happy for all the opportunities, people, and things there are to do. But I have no idea how to do them or where to even start.

Last week TWO different people told me Benjamin and Lifa look alike...  Spoiler alert: They are not biologically related. This is technically impossible.

 Yet, somehow, they kinda do. Benjamin’s all-time favorite person is Lifa. Chris and I got trumped by big brother a long time ago. The moment Benjamin sees his brother, he erupts into shrieks, squeals and laughter. It’s the best!

This is an EPIC week in the Ladd house. Lifa is involved in 1,923 sports and extra-curricular activities. (He used birthday money to buy a fitness tracker watch and logs a unfathomable amount of steps every day.) We launched an amaaaaazing Help Club for Moms on Monday evening. Chris is preaching for two morning services on Sunday while Lifa and I serve at church. And we are launching a young adults service on Sunday evening. Oh - and don’t forget Mr. Independent Benjamin. He’s got places to go, dangerous things to put in his mouth, and food to eject from his mouth with amazing velocity. I’m currently watching him play in the soil from a tree in our living room. 

In 2018, Chris and I fasted from sugar, dairy, processed foods, anything with flour, bastings, sauces, spice mixes, condiments, and even chocolate. In the beginning, it felt like continuous sacrificing. Everything was bland, and grocery shopping was nightmarish. I remember Chris getting actually mad at me one day when I reminded him the deli meat that was millimeters away from his mouth was off limits. And the day I came home with sugar-free peanut butter... we don’t need to talk about that day. We were constantly verbalizing the questions, “Can we eat this?” while reading labels and racking our brains for what we could actually eat. 

It was 10 years ago today. Ten years ago, I called my mom and said goodbye one last time while my friends drove me to the airport. Then I cried on the phone with the AT&T lady while I cancelled my cell phone plan. I was leaving family and friends with no way of knowing I was going to stay and start a family of my own. Ten years ago, I set my feet on the soil of my future. I walked out of an airport in South Africa with two suitcases and pulsing excitement for what I thought was going to be a 6-month mission trip.

The holiday season has ended, offices are opening, and the world is going back to normal. But we just received a Christmas package from my mom. And while I write this, I’m looking at six 12-year old boys (on one couch - with an empty one right next to them) chattering about Christmas gifts and watching Spiderman. We’re clinging on to Christmas morning and special family moments as long as we can over here! So, as you go back to work and un-holiday your house, I’m going to share a Christmas story.  

We’re in a unique season of life right now. We’re trying to navigate one kid away from sharp edges and outlets, and help the other kid navigate who he’s going to be when he’s not at the dinner table or on the rugby field. Benjamin is currently teething and a hot mess. I like to employ the distraction technique: keep everybody too busy to whine. Myself included. Yesterday I slathered sunscreen on Benjamin, strapped his fussy butt into the stroller and took Lifa and a friend to play putt putt golf beside the ocean. Mama needed to smell the ocean. 

The week between Christmas and New Years feels like a wonderful secret. You don’t have to clean up Christmas decorations yet. You don’t have to go to work. There’s not a lot of have-to’s. The whole world seems a little off schedule. I wanted to steal a few Saturday moments to say hello and share with you why there’s been no Ladd Family stories or Friday Fives for a while. Spoiler alert: there is finally no “you should write a book about this” reason! No one got hit by a car, needs surgery, had a baby, is dealing with major corruption, or is up to their ears in legal drama this time.  Yippee!!

My NaNa tells me that, when people used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would respond with 4-years of unbridled confidence, “Whatever I’ll be, I’ll be.” I like to think that was wisdom beyond my years, but it was really just raw stubbornness that still has yet to be refined.

Sometimes we only see grace in hindsight, but it’s always there. I know that because Jesus left heaven to come to conquer every unconquerable in this world and give you the grace you need for today. Look around today, and you’ll probably find that you’re walking in the exact kind of grace you need for today. 

I have a vision. My eyes don’t see it, but my heart does. So I set the table by heart instead of sight. 

On Tuesdays, I pack a bin full of anything pretty I can find in my house. Tablecloths from the linen closet. The vase of flowers from the kitchen. The candles from the bathrooms. The colorful candy dishes. The frames and decor scattered around the house. And the fruit bowl. 

Benjamin turned 6 months yesterday! And I had a throwback to the last time I saw the inside of a hospital. Six months ago, I entered the hospital at 1:30am, 8cm dilated, and got put into a flying wheelchair that delivered me to labor and delivery. Yesterday, I made breakfast for Lifa, sent him off to school, and kissed Chris and Benjamin goodbye before hopping into an Uber. I walked into the hospital at 9am, admitted myself, and was escorted to the surgical unit. It started to sink in when I was wearing a hospital gown and a very friendly anesthesiologist and surgeon were describing procedures to me…I had surgery yesterday, by the way.

It’s Heritage Day in South Africa! Today is a public holiday to commemorate the cultural wealth of this rainbow nation. Some culture groups dress in traditional clothing, make special food, and celebrate with tribal dances. Some gather around the braai (BBQ pit!) - so many, in fact, that many call Heritage Day “National Braai Day”.  We’re celebrating Ladd Family heritage today.

I love Thursday mornings. I buy beautiful flowers, roll out a tablecloth, and spread out scrumptious snacks, tea and coffee. I sprinkle board books, blocks, and baby blankets throughout the living room. At 10am, our house fills with moms and babes for Cape Town’s first ever Help Club for Moms. 

I don’t like TV. Or screens in general, really. I could live forever with no TV... but the boys. 

My man loves a good screen-veg. If he gets a chance for a down day, Chris likes to turn on the most boring show Netflix has to offer to nap to. (He wakes up if we try to change it to say he was watching it, and it was “pretty interesting”.) He takes brain breaks with an extraordinarily random assortment of YouTube videos. We even have a screensaver playing from our TV when we play music. 

It’s been a down and out kind of week - all the sick people and the broken-boned boy. But you know what we’re thinking about? We’ve got people. We’ve got amazingly supportive friends in Cape Town and an army of supporters around the world who make it possible for us to pay out of pocket medical expenses. We have a brave, tackling boy who gave it his all on the field. Lifa has dealt with a lifetime of fearfulness. It’s understandable, but it has handicapped him. Now he is physically handicapped, but free as a bird! We are so proud that he was not afraid to put it all out there with the bigger boys. He’s found his feet - even if he had to break one in the process! 

Five years ago, I was buying bricks and building a house. Not just any house - a house named Glory House. Glory House was a vision from God - a way to live out the purpose He shaped me with. To be Mom of the house in order to strengthen families and build His family… A lot has changed since then!