(Sort of) Irrelevant Story: I met Chris’ mom six weeks before our wedding. When she originally booked tickets to visit her son in South Africa, she didn’t know she would meet her future daughter-in-law and grandson at the same time! I had been single parenting Lifa for several years, and Chris was still learning what he was getting himself into. Lifa was seven and wore a cape every day. We blared the song Uptown Funk every morning on the way to school. Chris invited us on a hike with his mom when she arrived in South Africa….

I stretch my limits twice a week with heavy weights, high intensity, and online personal training with David. I scream-lift for 40 minute, and I love it! I’m getting stronger! Lifa (the best big brother ever) plays with Benjamin so I can get in the zone. The second I say goodbye to David and close my computer, Lifa and Benjamin come out with big, expectant grins. With practiced shock, Lifa says, “Oh, are you finished?” Everyone is ready for Mom to be back in charge, incapacitated or not. It’s charming. Endearing. And I feel like I could break.

I’m back after a week long “brain break”. A little over a week ago, I noticed myself snarking and snapping at my family - verbally, with laser eyes, or through embittered thoughts that released themselves as breathy, exasperated sighs. RED FLAG ALERT! I don’t want to be an exasperated person.

Chris just went back to work at Southpoint Church after two weeks of much needed time off. He joyfully poured him heart and soul into the church six days a week for a year without taking a day off. He made a really wise decision to take some downtime for himself so he wouldn’t run dry physically, spiritually, mentally or emotionally. Chris is very happy to be back at work, and I find myself longing for a vacation! I snapped and snarled at my family last week because I was just too tired to manage my reactions.

It’s 5:23am... I’ve had the whole house to myself for an hour. I’m full of coffee, worship music, and a good old fashioned quiet time. All by myself. In actual quiet. This one little power hour (plus about 9,000mg of caffeine) has me all jazzed up. I started by reading a devotion from the Help Club for Moms book ( If you’re a mom, any kind of mom, click that link and get that book!) I was re-inspired to create life-giving prayer habits and then read about faith heroes in Hebrews 11. I ended up with a long list of things I want to do and want to be...

The Two Oceans Aquarium has re-opened! Benjamin and I are annual pass holders, and I was thrilled to go back this morning. It was so good for my soul on a dark, rainy day to walk into a world of wonder. There were larger than life sea creatures that only the King of Glory could have imagined and spoken into existence.

The Ladd house has been hustling! Chris has preached for Southpoint’s Church Online for the last 3 weeks in a row. (Click here to see messages!) And we have kicked off the 15x15 Worship Challenge, Virtual Book Study, and online community for Help Club for Moms South Africa. Every day, Chris and I are more blown away that God is giving us platforms to do the things we love to do so much.

In 2014, I was a single missionary living in the African bush. At one stage, every other leader of the ministry I was working with had to travel out of the country, and I was singlehandedly leading a local staff, missions staff, hosting international missions teams, facilitating all ministry and running the missions base. At that same time, I heard the popular speaker, Christine Caine, share her amazing life’s accomplishments. She said when she started to feel like she had too much on her plate, she’d ask God for a bigger plate. I started to pray that same prayer, and God was so faithful.

School has closed down again! The world calls is a global pandemic. Benjamin calls it his best life.

President Cyril Ramaphosa has closed all South African schools for the next four weeks with the exception of Grade 12 students taking only one week off and grade 7’s taking only two weeks off. That means we get our Lifa home with us for another two week holiday.

It’s Fridayyyyyyy! The baby is asleep, and the big boys are watching YouTube videos and playing Minecraft in the living room. I am in Chris’ office with a candle and “drippy rain” noises playing my headphones. I’m trying to get in the zone to write one more blog for the week. Friday night blogs can be tough. I’m ready to start the weekend, but I’ve given it my very best since May to write every day, Monday - Friday. AND I’VE DONE IT! Every single Friday, I feel like removing my eye balls and disappearing into a bathtub with a dark chocolate bonbon. But, even now, I love that I’m doing it.

Two steps forward and one step back... Sometimes it seems like one step forward and four back... anybody with me?

I started online personal training with David in April… I haven’t given up. I feel myself getting stronger. I’m healthier and in better shape than I’ve ever been. But there’s a bully in my brain that tells me I’m not doing well enough, not pushing hard enough, and not ever going to make it further than where I am right now because of all those setbacks. Surely every other person in the world reaches goals without an off week or two, right? I should be breaking personal records every single week, right?

Yesterday there was a big event: I got my nails painted! These claws haven’t been tended to since wayyyyy before lockdown, and the Ladd boys all know that Mom is a better person when her nails are painted. (They prefer classic red.) While I walked Lifa to school yesterday, I told him, “You may wonder who that extremely fancy and beautiful woman is when you walk outside of school this afternoon. It’s me! It’s just your mom with painted nails!” So much tweenage judgment.

Photo by Charisse Kenion on Unsplash

Sometimes finding a way to win is being really strong, disciplined, and overcoming obstacles. And sometimes it’s abandoning all the plans and expectations you had and operating within your capacity for today. This is a weird time, and it’s ok to not be ok. Just don’t be “not ok” alone!

Currently, I’m listening to:

One neighbor’s perpetual weed-eater,

Another neighbor’s toddlers on bikes in front of our house,

My husband’s booming Tennessee accent on a phone meeting,

Benjamin announcing the end of nap time from his crib,

The video I just made for Help Club playing in the background,

And a kettle boiling for my 89th pot of coffee.

Yesterday I took Benjamin to the forest for the first time. It took just a few breaths of crisp mountain air and a couple crunchy steps to decide: Yes, he was going be the king of this forest. And, just like that, the world got one more Ladd man to chase down mountain trails. Benjamin wanted to run through waterfalls and giggled as gravity pulled him down the mountain path, no matter how much my glutes were screaming, “We just pushed a stroller and a small human UP this path. It is NOT time to go down yet!”

“What about me?” It’s my weakness. My personal poison. The selfish place that blinds me in the blink of an eye. I ask it when a reckless taxi cuts me off on the highway, while I’m meeting all the needs and never getting around to my own, when there are misunderstandings in marriage, and when I dare let myself think on the tangles of South Africa’s Department of Home Affairs.

Lockdown Level 3

Today South Africa’s lockdown conditions have shifted from Level 4 to Level 3. That means more businesses are able to open, WE GET TO EXERCISE ANYTIME WE WANT (from 6am - 6pm instead of 6am - 9am), and schools... Guys... schools.

We started yesterday with devastation. Today is the day Lifa was supposed to return to school.

Ironic - and pitiful - truth: This weekend, I spent two full nights wide awake because I was worried about Lifa. (Broken elbow story here!) The ironic part about that is I was up hoping and praying we could keep him comfortable, meet his needs, and give him an extra boost of love and care while he recovers. But during the day, when the rest of the humans were awake, I was so exhausted that I didn’t want to prepare meals because I couldn’t bear the sound of any of them chewing. I’m not proud of this. I’m just being honest.

Literally... fast facts. Chris and I are fast-fans! The fasting we often choose is to consume zero calories for spiritual, mental, emotional and/or physical purposes for an extended period of time. I am just about to break a 3-day fast, but I wanted to sit down with you first and tell you about it.