Chris called me with a chuckle in his voice when he arrived at the church men's retreat to tell me he was bunking with Ted Mirtle. "TED'S MY MAN!"

Ted and Margaret Mirtle have been married for 58 years. Their hands and hearts are softened from years of praying together. We look forward to seeing their ever-bright smiles each Sunday morning for church.

Life has been eating my lunch. I’ve been one breath away from a breakdown as circumstances and needs with Benjamin have escalated…. and the rest of life didn’t stop to accommodate! I’ve seen the roughest edges and lowest lows within myself in the last weeks. It hasn’t been pretty.

Finally, last week, time stopped just long enough for me to ugly cry and write an unfiltered letter to God. I didn’t write it to publish but to clean it out of myself. But since wiping away the mascara smears, scooping up the baby, and carrying on with life, I’ve not been able to shake the feeling that I should share my very personal letter here.

I turned 38 yesterday and had a very sweet birthday with my four favorite guys!

I've officially entered the stage of life where it takes effort to remember my age, magnifying makeup mirrors are a no-go, and my metabolism gets a good laugh when I think about losing extra "baby weight". Watching all my hair fall out from postpartum hormones really just seals the deal. 👌

I grew up in Texas . Country music was always on the radio, and my family played penny and nickel poker when we got together. Maybe that's why Kenny Rogers' lyrics played through my mind on Wednesday when I just didn't know what to do.

We had a baby! And we officially miss you.

It's high time for a Ladd family update. Let’s jump right to the highlight reel, shall we?

WE'VE GOT SO MUCH TO TELL YOU!

Some of our communication has been sparse lately, but it's not because we don't have anything to say. And it's certainly not because we aren't thinking of you, praying for you and thanking God for you. My mom is landing in Cape Town in less than 48 hours. I'm reverberating with excitement and a ninja baby in my belly. The goal here today is not to be poetic, but to get to the point... with bullet points.

It's exactly nine weeks until our little boy's due date - April 10, 2022. My prediction is that he will come a week late, just like his brother, and I'll go into labor on the Saturday night before Easter Sunday. I told Chris to get a backup plan ready for church!

His name is…

Last weekend, I used an entire bottle of baby laundry detergent in 24 hours and paid teenagers with Big Macs to help me move furniture as I prepared a nursery. The soft blankets, tiny socks, and all the sweet, itty-bitty things I lovingly put in place are for a fleeting moment. Our little one will never know the hours I spend preparing, praying, and reaching for him as he wiggles within me. Still, I bask in it.

We dropped our 2-year olds at school, paused responsibilities, and met at a cafe to celebrate our "South African birthdays". Melanie and I are both American missionaries who came to South Africa solo in January 2010, never expecting to start families and build lives here. We became fast friends when we met a few years ago, both trying to figure out how to care for our newborns a hemisphere away from our home churches and families. Our sons ADORE each other, and it's a precious gift to find a friend that understands both my home culture and the beautiful tension of cross-cultural families.

This week I was tempted to count the "no's" in my forever-long prayer list, measure shortcomings, and surrender to the overwhelmedness of undone areas. No one would have passed a judgment if they knew what I was entertaining. In fact, a quick scroll through social media would have given the storm in my mind a big "Yes and Amen!"

Fight or Flight part 2 did not disappoint. A crowd favorite was when Chris gave a real-life example of his flight reflex and threw me and my allergies in front of a bee to save himself early in our marriage. Yes, I did get stung. Yes, I still remind him of that. Here’s more about the message… Enjoy!

It’s peak summertime in Cape Town! The news predicted that it would be the “hottest place on earth” over the weekend, but a city in Brazil beat us by a degree or two. This weekend (and last… and much of the week) was well over 100 degrees F by day, and sometimes in the upper 80’s at night!

I'm writing at 5am. I have been up since 2:30am with pregnancy insomnia. I've tried to stretch my sore body, pondered how to stretch our finances, and made lists of things to do. My early morning "bonus hours" were squandered with monotonous and vexing thoughts.

The South African school year has just started up, and Lifa is loving life back on the all-boys high school campus. This time he's not the new guy - but an "experienced" grade 9. (High school begins in grade 8 here.)

There is passionate group of praying moms who faithfully meet on the school's sports field twice a month to pray over the school, students, our families and futures. We know our boys are longing to find their own ways in this world, and we are committed to not leaving them unarmed for the battles they'll face. In this stage of life, that often happens by praying behind the scenes. It's faithful moms, battling together on the bleachers.

We had a GREAT Sunday at church! The room was packed, hearts were full, and yes… Chris still has a mullet.

It's my South African birthday! 🥳 I landed in South Africa for the first time on 14 January 2010... 12 years ago!

After five years of single-parenting, God gave me an incredible husband. Since we've moved from America, we've lost all of our grandparents without goodbyes. We've missed a generation of weddings, babies, and milestones - as well as pizza nights and Saturdays with our parents, siblings and cousins. We fused together a family in strange and lonely circumstances, and have since been impacted by mass injustice, corruption, brokenness and oppression.

Have you heard about Words to Live By!?! Read this short blog for everything you need to know about it. Chris and I are passionate about this discipline. I promise… it will change your life! I want to share my 2022 Words to Live By with you to encourage you to write your own! Mine my change over time as I settle into declaring them out loud daily, but here’s what I’m starting with. You can click the button below for a list of declarations that you can use to make your own. I used this list and a few other resources I’ll share below as well. Let me know if you’ve written yours too!

How do you pray?

I don’t mean what do you say, but what is your posture? The Help Club for Moms hosted a 3-day prayer event this week, and I had an opportunity to share some raw and real truths about why I had not been praying triumphantly. I shared some of my story, including how unanswered prayers bruised my heart and hope. But God used even that. And taught me to pray from a place of triumph.

I have polished off two watermelons since Friday. It has been HOT in Cape Town. Saturday was a real scorcher. Unfortunately for my family, there is a force within me telling me to nest that is just as strong as the watermelon-consuming force. Instead of taking it easy in the heat, I did 4 loads of laundry and started deep-cleaning.

I hit my boiling point that afternoon and took the kids to the beach for respite - both from my nesting and the pulsing heat of our house. The other 4 million residents of Cape Town had the same idea and were packed like sardines along the coastline, streets and grassy banks.