(Sort of) Irrelevant Story: I met Chris’ mom six weeks before our wedding. When she originally booked tickets to visit her son in South Africa, she didn’t know she would meet her future daughter-in-law and grandson at the same time! I had been single parenting Lifa for several years, and Chris was still learning what he was getting himself into. Lifa was seven and wore a cape every day. We blared the song Uptown Funk every morning on the way to school. Chris invited us on a hike with his mom when she arrived in South Africa….

Have you ever felt stuck in an unending cycle of tired with no rest in sight? If you’re a mom, yes. If you’re past the age of mandatory nap times, probably. Chris and I had THE BEST DATE NIGHT EVERRRRR on Friday night. We were celebrating a new season of life. God making ways for us in ministry that are incredible. We chatted about the ups and down we’d been through since we got married while we drove to the restaurant. While we parked, Chris said, “But you know what’s different about this season? For the first time, we’re not doing it alone.” It was the perfect setup. He didn’t know that I had arranged a surprise - friends were meeting us there!

Last night was one of those nights where chewing was the loudest sound at the dinner table. Conversations were stifled, and you could taste the tension. Here’s the deal... Things have been GREAT! Chris and I are better than ever. I love him more deeply with each day. God has been opening doors, answering prayers, and we are completely overwhelmed by His favor in our lives. Annnnnnnd we have an 18-month old who is developing beautifully in all the appropriate ways. (Ie: sounds, spills, squeals, screams.)

I stretch my limits twice a week with heavy weights, high intensity, and online personal training with David. I scream-lift for 40 minute, and I love it! I’m getting stronger! Lifa (the best big brother ever) plays with Benjamin so I can get in the zone. The second I say goodbye to David and close my computer, Lifa and Benjamin come out with big, expectant grins. With practiced shock, Lifa says, “Oh, are you finished?” Everyone is ready for Mom to be back in charge, incapacitated or not. It’s charming. Endearing. And I feel like I could break.

Spring has sprung! It’s time to swim and play! None of Lifa’s clothes fit. New wardrobe time for our man-sized child! I’ve always just come home with new clothes and awed and amazed him by my amazing sense of style. Suddenly, Lifa has his own sense of style, autonomy and really cares about what he wears. I guess that’s a good thing!

Benjamin is my ride or die. I take that kid with me wherever I go. We sing Raffi (circa 1989) in the car together and adventure through forests, mountains, puddles and playgrounds.

Benjamin Lee Ladd is a full-on extrovert. Chris and I are two very introverted people with two very extroverted children. How does that happen!?! Benjamin has become very shy since COVID began. I’ve shrugged it off, noticing all the kids dealing with it and assuming he’d warm up sooner or later.

A week or so ago, I dipped low into that pit of desperation that every mom has probably known- the one where the only thought you can think is: “I’ll do anything to make this kid sleeeeep”. Forget the baby books. Forget the sleep training and the “they says”. I put Benjamin in the car, and we drove for a loooong time. FINALLY, he slept. I parked in a safe, guarded parking lot. I had planned for this. I even brought my work along with me. Instead, I sat there in crazy-eyed silence and sent equally crazy pictures to Chris. My work stayed untouched, and I stared through the windshield while my thoughts shredded my last remnants of sanity.

Yesterday while I was trying to cook and clean, Benjamin was next to me pulling everything out of the cabinets to throw around the kitchen. It’s our working agreement. I handed him a shopping bag and empty granola bar box to add the to mix and kept working around him. The next time I looked down, he had swung that shopping bag over his head and created a cape, which he kept on for the rest of the evening. (The most adorable choking hazard.) Benjamin is too young to know he created a cape, but it stopped me in my tracks.

The Two Oceans Aquarium has re-opened! Benjamin and I are annual pass holders, and I was thrilled to go back this morning. It was so good for my soul on a dark, rainy day to walk into a world of wonder. There were larger than life sea creatures that only the King of Glory could have imagined and spoken into existence.

The Ladd house has been hustling! Chris has preached for Southpoint’s Church Online for the last 3 weeks in a row. (Click here to see messages!) And we have kicked off the 15x15 Worship Challenge, Virtual Book Study, and online community for Help Club for Moms South Africa. Every day, Chris and I are more blown away that God is giving us platforms to do the things we love to do so much.

There’s something magical about the earliest morning hours for me. Tiptoeing through the dark to make coffee, cracking open God’s Word, and getting your head and heart in the right place before the day begins. Benjamin also loves that time of day and doesn’t want to miss anything. When I wake up extra early to get ahead of him, so does he! So... we got a Fun Box.

My sister is very pregnant, and I’m dyyyyyyying to touch that belly. I want to celebrate pregnancy milestones with her so badly I’ve started craving what I ate while I was pregnant. (Note: I am definitely not pregnant! It’s just a very weird way I’m responding to missing my sis!)

Yesterday was Ladd Family Screenapaloouza! (It’s very weird that auto-correct just kicked in and added a “u” to that word. Is screenapaloouza a real word?!) Chris preached the message for church online, and Lifa was featured in a worship dance video for kids. I live with legends! I had been prepping all week to record a short video series for Help Club for Moms, and we decided Sunday was the best day for me to film.

Is there anyone else out there who thrives on schedule, rhythm and routine?

Does anybody live their best life within some good old fashioned structure?

And then 2020 happened!?!

It’s not that I’m anal or hyper-organized. (You could ask my husband about that... but don’t.) But I do thrive on order. One of the ways I care for my family is by bringing order to our home.

Remember that darling blog I wrote yesterday called “Benjamin’s Best Monday”? All those sweet plans and prayers? Anybody want to know how Monday really played out in my house?

I could count the number of hours I’ve spent away from Benjamin since his birth on my fingers and toes. He gets plenty of time with his mom - especially since Lifa’s at school, Chris is working, and Benjamin and I are still social distancing for safety.

He’s developed supersonic senses for the sound of his dad coming into our room at bath time. They’ve developed their own language. He knows when Lifa switches the light on in his room and will barge right into the bathroom to greet him if he leaves the door cracked. Those two are Benjamin’s heroes….

The other day, while I strapped my extremely heavy toddler into a carrier on my chest, I had a weird Mom moment. As I shifted his weight and thought about the progression of carrying Benjamin from a newborn to now, I habitually took in a big whiff of his skin pressed against mine. I love the smell of his skin. That’s where this rabbit trail began...

I was in over my head with the week, the responsibilities, and time - with not a lot of wiggle room and not a lot to give. So I took what I had -a couple of hours with Benjamin - and I called them holy. I set them aside to be God’s. I could have done the exact same thing and not made them a sabbath. But today, that stinky seal and that boy with wonder-filled eyes were a part of me realigning myself with the Creator of heaven and earth, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. And that makes it holy.

The basic rules that apply to humans do not apply to Benjamin. Things like gravity, physics, awareness of pain and range of motion. Lately, our house sounds like this: “BENJAMIN, Shouldn’t you be afraid of SOMETHING!?!” - or - “BENJAMIN, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THE MOST DANGEROUS THINNNGGGGGGGSSSSS!?!”

I had so much fun this evening with the Help Club mamas! The wild winter storm outside downgraded the quality of the video, but the audio was just fine. It was so special to have a semblance of sisterhood in my frigid bedroom a billion miles away from my actual sister.