Ironic - and pitiful - truth: This weekend, I spent two full nights wide awake because I was worried about Lifa. (Broken elbow story here!) The ironic part about that is I was up hoping and praying we could keep him comfortable, meet his needs, and give him an extra boost of love and care while he recovers. But during the day, when the rest of the humans were awake, I was so exhausted that I didn’t want to prepare meals because I couldn’t bear the sound of any of them chewing. I’m not proud of this. I’m just being honest.

Literally... fast facts. Chris and I are fast-fans! The fasting we often choose is to consume zero calories for spiritual, mental, emotional and/or physical purposes for an extended period of time. I am just about to break a 3-day fast, but I wanted to sit down with you first and tell you about it.

Wet bicycle tires. Cycling with dogs on a leash. Oncoming car. Moment of panic. Squeezes front brakes by mistake.... Lifa went flying. Poor Lifa took a big, hard hit yesterday when he flew over his bicycle handlebars and fractured BOTH elbows.

Ladd men, secure your headphones. Mom’s going in. Pray for me!

I’ve been thinking a lot about blessings and choosing what kind of legacy to write into your family and the generations ahead of you. I don’t want to react to my life and see what people say about it at the end. I want to write the blessings I want to impart on my children and grandchildren in advance. I think it will help me stick to the script as life happens.

Or is it just my family?

Our sleep routine is nuts. Our baby is getting weirder by the moment. I’m turning all of our produce into brownies. And we are laughing so much because... what else are you going to do!?!

Cape Town, you are a beautiful city. We cannot wait to bask in the sunshine on your beaches, breathe in your fresh mountain air, wave at your flamingos, and, most of all, watch your lovely people come out and live fully and freely in the city we all adore. Keep well, Cape Town. We can’t wait to play with you again!

Welcome to Ladd Family real life. If you were one of the 124,872 actual flies in our house today, you might have been a witness to one of these scenarios:

Sunday, on a morning walk-jog, using buffs as face masks:

Lifa: “DO YOU SMELL THAT TRASH!?!”

Me: “Lifa, I think you have forgotten what fresh air smells like.”

NaNa love was the very best kind of love. It wrote a legacy through generations by doing exactly what love is supposed to do: it taught us how to love and be loved. NaNa love made it safe to screw up and never question your worth. It laughed and celebrated. It was a busy love that never stopped thinking about you and had a constant Dollar Store collection in the closet with your name on it. NaNa love insisted on feeding you- whether the food has expired or not. It never had to look for a silver lining because it could only reflect back the shining gold you didn’t even know was in you.

Tonight, my cranky, cross-eyed, chocolate-eating self is blown away that, a year ago, in a much harder season of life, I had at least one fleeting moment where God heard my prayer for wisdom and perspective. That is such a hope-filled reminder to me tonight that He sees us, He hears us, and He does give us the wisdom we ask for when we need it. Sometimes we don’t get it right for a moment, a night, or even a whole season of life, but we are loved by a God who is outside of time and space. He can help us to remember right now that our days are numbered and interpret our lives correctly. He sets wisdom deeply in our hearts and corrects our paths.

Training with David Sandala: He brings you to the end of yourself, and then adds a drop set. He helps you destroy your own personal records, and then tells you to pick up weights for your power jumps. My hands are destroyed, and my body is tired. But I feel amazing! I deadlifted 100kg (220 pounds) FOUR TIMES! That’s almost two Lifas!

I’m done thinking about “new normals”, looking to the past, or worrying about the future. I’m thinking about who I want to become and what steps I can take toward that now. Cue: glitter tape.

Our kids aren’t keeping score. They are learning to live by the ways we live. So, today, live loved. And tomorrow, live loved. You can write a legacy of love through your bests and your worsts.

Tonight, while the Benjamin wailed from his crib and I anxiously waited for 5 minutes to pass to go back in to comfort him, Chris said, “I thought we had this sleep training thing nailed. WHAT HAPPENED!?!”

Hello from COVID-19 Lockdown! STILL! Life has simultaneously gotten very slow and become wildly, insanely busy at the same time. RIGHT!?! Lifa misses the rest of his pre-teen species, and Benjamin has transformed from a sweet, little baby into a gravity-defying, boundary-testing toddler. Chris and I are waking extra early and working later in the evenings trying to make up time well-spent with kids during the day. We’ve made sweet family memories in quarantine, but this mom and dad are a litttttttle bit tired.

On Monday morning, Chris and I took turns catching and containing Benjamin over two warm-is cups of coffee. We wanted to connect before the hustle of a new week began. Last week I didn’t even have time to make my calendars, and the whole system broke! I needed this connection with my husband more than I needed to breathe. I told Chris I’m so excited and so happy for all the opportunities, people, and things there are to do. But I have no idea how to do them or where to even start.

Last week TWO different people told me Benjamin and Lifa look alike...  Spoiler alert: They are not biologically related. This is technically impossible.

 Yet, somehow, they kinda do. Benjamin’s all-time favorite person is Lifa. Chris and I got trumped by big brother a long time ago. The moment Benjamin sees his brother, he erupts into shrieks, squeals and laughter. It’s the best!

This is an EPIC week in the Ladd house. Lifa is involved in 1,923 sports and extra-curricular activities. (He used birthday money to buy a fitness tracker watch and logs a unfathomable amount of steps every day.) We launched an amaaaaazing Help Club for Moms on Monday evening. Chris is preaching for two morning services on Sunday while Lifa and I serve at church. And we are launching a young adults service on Sunday evening. Oh - and don’t forget Mr. Independent Benjamin. He’s got places to go, dangerous things to put in his mouth, and food to eject from his mouth with amazing velocity. I’m currently watching him play in the soil from a tree in our living room. 

In 2018, Chris and I fasted from sugar, dairy, processed foods, anything with flour, bastings, sauces, spice mixes, condiments, and even chocolate. In the beginning, it felt like continuous sacrificing. Everything was bland, and grocery shopping was nightmarish. I remember Chris getting actually mad at me one day when I reminded him the deli meat that was millimeters away from his mouth was off limits. And the day I came home with sugar-free peanut butter... we don’t need to talk about that day. We were constantly verbalizing the questions, “Can we eat this?” while reading labels and racking our brains for what we could actually eat.